Three Little Birds

Do you remember the Bob Marley song Three Little Birds? In high school it was my favorite. My friends Aline, Sarina, and I would sing that song over and over, calling ourselves the Three Little Birds. I was so free in those days... sigh... I really just lived each day for what it was and hardly worried! Don't get me wrong, I would never want to re-do high school, puke... but... things are feeling rather intense lately. Especially in terms of finances. Things are precarious for everyone right now of course. I am nervous daily about the future of my company. Arts organizations are the first to suffer when the economy is down and over the last week money seems to be just pouring out of my accounts... Two weeks ago I was feeling confident and excited because I received my tax return and it was enough to help me pay for a list of important things I have been putting on hold as well as put some away in savings... but as soon as the money hit my account it was spent. My theater hosted a playwright last weekend and I threw down a chunk of change to get her out of town (bad weather canceled her original flight) then my daughter became ill and I needed to spend on the doctors visit as well as medicine. The brakes on my car are squeaking and I need to take it in today to get looked at. Little Bird and I both have dentist appointments tomorrow. I really really need a yearly doctors check-up but honestly Little Birds expenses always come first so I keep putting it off... One thing after another not to mention the usual expenses, groceries, gas, rent, bills, student loans, credit debt... I feel depleted and anxious... BUT last night I had a moment after washing my face of catching my reflection in the mirror, and seeing a new wrinkle and noticing my greying roots starting to show and I took a very deep breathe. Breathe in... the more I allow these money matters to stress me out... breathe out...  the more I allow the stress to rule me... breathe in... the more time I waste! I must stop wasting my time and energy on negative thought and stress!!! I have to remind myself everyday that I must enjoy where I am in life at this exact moment. Before I even know it I will blink and be old and grey and slow.... I must enjoy my youth, my energy, this gorgeous spring day! I must remind myself daily that nothing is forever, nothing is permanent! This reminder of impermanence is always a good one for getting me to relax my strangle hold on life and just breathe! In times like these I always go back to my "worst case scenario" list and every time I go through that list in my head I realize that the "worst case" will still provide me with a wonderful and rewarding life. So what if I get rid of my car, its better for the environment anyway. So what if I have to move to a cheaper home, a new neighborhood could be fun. So what if I go back to nannying, I love the pace of the job, the time spent outside, and the cute little rugrats with sloppy hugs and kisses. So what if I move back home with my parents (definite worst case here), I am very close to my family, we get along, and  I miss the mountains everyday... Calm down Jenny. Remember in your adulthood the freedom and ease of your youth... And as Mr Marley would sing... "Baby don't worry, do do do doooo do do do, 'bout a thing, do do do dooo do do do, every little thing is gonna be alright!" You are right Bob. Every little thing will be just fine.