ex-in-laws...

Oh sigh... the ex-in-laws were in town this past weekend... and I love them, they are great people. They bought Little Bird a pile of new winter cloths. They of course bought her toys and took her on adventures. They fixed my car window and brake light... I need their support when they give it and am very grateful! I think they are swell... but... its their son that makes me batty, he can be so juvenile. When my parents come into town they rarely see my ex. When his folks are in town I end up spending as much time with them as if they are my parents, and I don't mind spending time with them- don't get me wrong they are good people- but it pisses me off that he doesn't buck up and take charge when his family is here. He even acts like he is doing me a favor "getting them out of my hair" if he spends the day with them... and I am like WHAT! Thats your responsibility! Spend time with your family that traveled all this way to give their grand-baby, your daughter, some lovin!!! AGH!!! He acts like a child around them. The other night we all went to dinner and he was text messaging on his cell phone through the entire meal! When it comes down to it I understand why his mother reaches out to me when she visits... her own son acts like a teenage prig around her... ug... He did do better this visit, I will give him that, but still not great, and perhaps he never will do "great"... I mean really I am the one who remembers to send her birthday cards and thank you notes... I don't understand that, how can you forget your own mothers birthday? He still harbors so many resentments from his teenage years and childhood... Some things she deserves resentment for, but the other side of the equation is just his own instabilities and immaturity... sigh...

Floating

Sorry I haven't written in a while - I've been without a computer for months now trying to save up for a new one. I have a hard time saving money apparently. There I've admitted it. Now the next step is doing something about it! (side not I'm able to write you now bcs Z's father is in town with his pretty new Mac.).

Well this mama is finally getting to go out more or at least semi party these days. Halloween proved fruitful as we had a party right here in my backyard. Z slept the night through (FIRST time ever!) I flirted with some boys and even had a strange come on experience with my neighbor (which I've decided not to pursue for obvious reasons). Point is I'm ready boys! ha. Really it would be nice to soon find someone to be intimate with but NOTHING serious. There is someone I"m interested in California, but that's far away making it more complicated.

As I mentioned Z's dad is in town. Z at 2 years old is just now starting to say daddy on his own accord. His friends who have fathers present have certainly been saying it longer. So it seems the bond is finally really starting with Z and his dad. We'll see what happens this time when he leaves (in 2 days).

I guess I feel lost in this sea of parenting. I mean I'm totally on key with the normal parenting duties; we've got a great schedule etc. It's just this grey area of emotional damage that I worry about. And I know I always say it's better that he's not witness to a loveless relationship; that it happened sooner rather than later. I guess it's just grey for me bcs his dad is around so little. Ah, who knows maybe in the end it's more positive for him. Maybe he's a better dad when he's around a little bit.

All I know is I'm happy and loving life. My 28th birthday is around the corner. I feel like I've had a full 20's with no regret, and for that I"m thankful. Hope to see some of you at my party on Nov 22nd :=)