Big things that changed? Little Bird turned nine, got her ears pierced, and just graduated third grade. This birthday hit me pretty hard. I find as a parent I get so use to a particular age or phase and start to think that Bird will be in that phase forever and then BOOM! her face is looking thinner and more defined. Her mannerisms and conversations are 9 going on 15. She only has 2 more years left in elementary school. It stuns me to stop and think about how quickly the days just fly by... And whenever I do stop and think about the speed with which time flies I think about how much I need to re-embrace the moment, cherish the impermanence, and make my life and Little Birds life as full as I can!
Speaking of full lives, summer is upon us! Camps and trips and family visiting is here and I cannot wait! I am having a hard time keeping focused on work these days as I keep day dreaming about my adventures that are yet to come! I signed Bird up for an intro to sewing class. I hope she likes it. I am also going to start making her go to a weekly kids yoga class too. I am taking a trip to Chicago in a couple of weeks and we are both going to Wisconson and South Dakota for most of July. Then, in August I think I will adventure to Marfa to see the alien lights!
And speaking of adventures I have entered a new phase and new dilemma in my single parenting journey. For the first time since I separated from Birds dad I have met someone that I might introduce her to. Its throwing me for a loop. I had always made a rule for myself that I would not introduce her to anyone until I knew for sure that it was "the one for a long time" ... but this new person... I am not sure and don't think about in terms of future, but I know that I want to see him, alot, like, all the time. As a single mom with full custody I don't really get the opportunity to have free time with out my Bird being with me... so out of a desire to see him and the necessity to care for her I think they will meet way sooner than I would really like and am ready for... The other side of this issue is that Renna has never known me to date. She keeps her crushes top secret, even when I ask her about them... and the other day when I mentioned very lightly that I had a crush on someone she got really really upset... I talked her down but it made me think- wow- maybe I have been wrong to hide these relationships from her in the past? Have I warped her perspective on men and dating? Have I made this an even bigger mess than it needed to be? Her dad dates very openly and she is fine with that, even likes all his girlfriends... but with me, she is freaked out. I asked her if it was about me not spending enough time with her, she said it was that and just felt weird to her... I think I will just keep taking it one day at a time and see where this journey takes us...
I need to stop worrying... I need to remember once again that life is too short and flies by too damn fast! I need to trust that I am a smart enough, level headed enough lady to make the right move in terms of bring people into mine and Birds life... Trust. Trust, trust. And remember to live my life to the fullest!
