Well Z's dad is in town. And when he's in town that means he stays with us. He gives us a pretty good amount of money each month so that I don't have to work too much while Z is little. Right now it does not leave much money for him to say stay in a hotel so I have to grin and bear it and make the most out of this HEADACHE of an experience.
He annoys me on so many levels. This week I"ve been dealing with the fact that I found out he has some girlfriend in Boston. Some chick he was cutting his mere week with Z short to fly off to Boston. Him having an American or Western girlfriend is really hard for me to know about. While most of our problems deal with his lying and cheating, alot of our problems were cultural/religious; and he's always said the next time he marries it will be to an Arab girl. I know it's silly and petty, but somehow it stings me.
Also having him in town has brought up my lingering feelings of how I wish Z was growing up in a 2 parent family. By no means do I wish it was with HIM! I just see my friends with their husbands and remember that's how I imagined my life. I know, I know, the grass is never greener on the other side. I guess these are just things I"ll grapple with as a single mom.
Ugh, he leaves on Saturday and I'll be there to explain to my confused toddler why Daddy can't say night night to him anymore.
I just came back from my first vacation in 2 years, feeling so happy and refreshed; only to have him arrive the next day. So I'm feeling a wee bit low this week. Should take Z out for a jog tomorrow. That should help. MEN!
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2 comments:
you are amazing. yes, i miss having that someone to buy produce and towels with. but, it's passing, kind of, and then i feel like it comes back. i want to be alone. and then i dont. and then i do. but i do know, i love my little house, my little bed, my little life. it's mine. and no man can fuck with it. and there's a comfort in that. but, then i sure wish i had someone to help me choose the bananas and tomatoes.
love you!! wanna go grocery shopping? he,he,he,he!!
There is absolutely nothing that makes a two parent family more adequate or more RIGHT than a one parent family... I feel very passionate about that... alas, these themes are all over my latest blog :)
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