Princess Smartypants

Princess Smartypants is a fabulous book that my mother bought me when I was in high school. It is a children's book about a princess who is of marrying age, and her parents and the entire kingdom are pressuring her to get married. She doesn't want to, so she creates all of these crazy challenges for the princes to accomplish before they can win her hand. None of them succeed until Prince Swashbuckler comes along, and he accomplish every task, much to the chagrin of Ms Smartypants. Well, in the end, she kisses him and he turns into a frog and she sends him on his way. I love this book. I love it because it is a breathe of fresh air! In our culture little girls are inundated with tales of "Happily Ever After" and its always about romantic love. BARF! As a single adult I am so sick of the question "are you seeing anyone?" Like thats the most important news in my life? Well, I am not seeing anyone, and its not because I don't have my share of suitors, its because I have no need to be in a "couple". And you know what else- I am happy! I love my life. The assumption is that I cannot be complete if I am not "partnered." But my life is so full, in so many wonderful ways! My career, my health, my daughter, my friendships, my family. I am receiving love from many people in my life! Happiness is not defined by my relationship status. And yes, I would love HELP with the kiddo every now and then, but the older she gets the easier raising her solo gets, and on top of that, I have a huge network of support in my friends and family. I worry about my Little Bird falling into the trap of "you must have a boyfriend to have value in your life". I see many adults hop from relationship to relationship, not even knowing how to be alone! I do not want my daughter to become one of those women! The scary thing is that at seven years old she already has ideas about love and BOYS, and that is scary! She already has a crush on Zac Efron! She has already been busted kissing boys on the playground! The funny (and rather savvy) thing about my Little Bird is that to me she says "oh mom, I am too young for boys" but her little boyfriends mom tells me "Oh they are so cute, they have already named their children." AAAaaahhhh!!! I hear her playing with her friends in her room  the "boyfriend game." Its not just her either, I know that its all the kids, they are playing these courtship games on the playground. And although I hate it and it does freak me out- I also recognize that Renna has to learn that she is all the love she needs the hard way, like the rest of us... She will need to experience love and loss and crushes and all of that. And yes, "all of that" adds a beautiful flavor to a life- BUT I just wish our culture would stop putting so much emphasis on coupling! It belittles a woman's value, worth, and strength. This little blog rant of mine is reminding me of a Sex In The City episode, where Carrie writes about the "shoulds" that women have to juggle. Should have a baby. Should have a husband... and then you reach 30 and you don't have these things? Does that mean you failed at life? ... I want my daughter to read more books and see more movies that are NOT about finding love. I want her to learn and know that the value of her existence can be defined only be herself and can be made only by the strength of her own choices. She defines her own measures for success in this life. 

p.s. physical pleasure is a completely separate conversation and not one for the single mommy blog (wink wink)... my thoughts on that and my thoughts on the need for romantic love are not necessarily confined to the same conversation... but I did want to add this "p.s." because it is a very valid argument against my rant... the thing is- I am talking very specifically about the "hollywood one true love" ideals, the dusty ideas that a woman's goal in life is wedded bliss, and the fact that although modern women perceive themselves as being beyond those ideas and ideals- the fact is, I see my daughter being "taught" those lessons by way of our cultures undying expectations and definitions of femininity... oh I am not completely bitter- I recognize that progress is made, woman by woman, step by step, but alas the problems are not gone- I just hope my little one becomes a woman who takes a step in the right direction. I hope my little bird becomes a part of the change, the transformation, and the solution, as oppose to a part of the status quo... AND this doesn't mean that I think she shouldn't find love or get married if she chooses to someday, it just means that I hope she has a clear idea of her own value with or without "wedded bliss"

p.p.s. I also get very angry with people who think a single parent family is inadequate. Aren't we evolved enough at this point to accept that families come in all genders and sizes? One mom? One dad? A mom and a dad? Two dads? Two moms? Each type of family is of equal value!! There is no better and no worse! The only true NEED in defining a family is LOVE! Love love love. That is, as the Beatles sing, "all you need"